[Taken from a speech by Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Yahya AlHussayniy AnNinowy]
Read this article with a calm heart and mind so as to benefit from it
Allah says that He has created everything in pairs, and so, every male has a female and vice-versa. Allah has created a woman for every man and vice-versa, which is called soulmate. When they marry and unite, they are now complete.
Husband and Wife are peace of each other. Quran Shareef says that they are the garments of each other. Imagine this closeness and love that Quran Shareef called the husband and wife like garments of each other. They are peace to each other. Whatever happens, they find comfort in each other. Because they are soulmates, half is husband, the other half is his wife. When they meet they are complete.
And Allah has put love in their hearts, as Quran Shareef mentions.
You should know that love ('ishq) is the seeker of attention (tawajju). The more the husband and wife pay attention to each other, the love between them keeps on growing and becoming stronger.
Beloved Prophet (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) told us, that when we intend to marry, we should look whether that person has good manners or not.
People marry for 4 reason: Money, Beauty, Reputation, Religion. We have been told to ignore the first 3 and look for the 4th.
How to know whether the person is religious or not? You will not know this by asking if she/he prays Namaaz or not, whether how many Surahs he/she knows by heart.
Deen is in the heart, and it is reflected through the character. So see whether the person has a good character or not. See whether the person has good manners or not. This is the meaning of what the Hadith says, that we should look for religion in that person. When you seek someone in marriage, analyse the person's character, the actions of that person. This is how we know whether the person has Deen in her heart or not. Whether the person is educated by the laws of Islam, this is not a condition for you to look.
Marrying for wealth, beauty and reputation:
If you look whether that person has wealth or not, so as to marry, then this marriage won't last long. Because as long as the person is rich, you will be close to him/her. And if tomorrow the person becomes poor, you will go away from her/him. Because the foundation of this marriage itself was wealth and money, so when the foundation itself has gone away, even the marriage bond will become weak and finally break. And in this type of marriage, when money comes more,you find yourself closer to him/her because you did not marry for Allah and His Beloved, but for wealth.
The same happens when marriage is done for beauty or reputation. As long as beauty or reputation remains, the couple remains. If beauty or reputation grow stronger, their marriage tie grow stronger. But, when beauty goes away and fades away or when reputation is lost, this marriage tie becomes weak and finally break. This is the reason why there are so many divorces today! People are getting married either for beauty, wealth or reputation.
Dear, marriage is not that you have got licence to have sex. Because even animals do this.
Marriage is an act of worship, to please Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), beauty, wealth and family honor are all bonus!
Marriage which lasts long, from Dunya to Jannah:
Marriage is a Sunnah of Beloved Prophet (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam).
Husband loving the wife, or wife loving the husband is an Ibadat (worship). Ibadat does not mean to be bored. Ibadat is natural, when you know what you are doing!
When marriage and love is done to please Allah and His Prophet (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), then whether beauty remains or disappears, whether wealth remains or disappear, or whether reputation remains or disappear, the love between the couple remains. The love between them remains, whatever happens.
Yes, when one of them becomes away from Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), then the marriage tie becomes weak. In this type of marriage, the more the couple becomes close to Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), the love between them becomes stronger and stronger.
True love is experienced when marriage is done with Niyyat to please Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam).
When marriage is done for beauty, wealth or reputation, love is NOT experienced, rather, the lower satanic self is pleased and becomes happy.
The sexual act which occurs between the couple is also an Ibadat. Then you will find true joy from this sexual act. Allah has created humans with this feature.
Sexual act of humans is Ibadat, when you know what you are doing.
Yes, we agree that, today, people perform sexual act just like animals! On this, there is La'anat (curse) !
People should know that when sexual act is done between people who have not married, then even satan participate in this sexual act, even satan is pleased and becomes happy.
Before performing the sexual act, the couple should seek protection from Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), then the act should be done, and then, this brings true joy! And from this, righteous offsprings are born!
Know this also: when a couple perform the sexual act like animals, without making Dua, without seeking protection from Allah, then satan comes and enter the penis of the husband, then when the act is performed with the wife, even satan enjoy himself! From this, bad offsprings is born!
Some people, especially girl's side, they see whether security is obtained or not. If the boy has money, they feel secure. But real security is obtained when marriage is based on Deen and good character! Money may go away, security will go. When Deen remains, security remains!
It is just like parents are selling their daughters! They do not want to know whether the man has the good character to treat their daughter well and with respect or not. They do not see this. They see only money. Even if the man has a bad character to treat her harshly, the girl's side overlook it. Then, after marriage, when the woman, is ill-treated, she normally becomes silent and curse her own family that they sold her to a beast. She becomes silent. She does not find joy. She then seeks joy outside..! On the street, on mobile phone, on the internet, looking for someone to keep her happy. Generally this is what happens when marriage is done for beauty, wealth or reputation.
When marriage is done to please Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), then even if some mistakes happens after marriage, the couple forgive each other, they have love and mercy for each other, they forgive easily for the sake of Allah and His Beloved (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam). In this case, the judge between them is Quran Shareef and Hadith Shareef. This is natural way, they are not robots. So forgiveness and reconciliation becomes easy between them.
But when marriage is done for beauty, wealth and honor, then when a mistake happens, either reconciliation is done after much arguing and fights, or that the marriage tie is broken. This is because the judge between them in this marriage tie, is not Quran and Hadith Shareef, but it is the lower self, the Nafs, the Ego, the satan
Your character should be Ameeen (trustworthy). Don't we read from the beautiful story of Hadhrat Moosa ('alayhis salaam) when those girls recommended him to their father, they said He is strong and trustworthy.
They said trustworthy, meaning, he didn't steal us, he didn't look at us in a wrong way, his character is good, he is sincere and honest, trustworthy in body and soul. Finally one of the daughters got married to him
Al Busayri (radiAllahu'anhu) speaks about Hadhrat Khadijah ('alayhassalaam),that she chose the best of creation for marriage (Beloved Prophet swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam), so how genius she is !
She supported him when the first revelation was recieved. She didn't care about her business, reputation , her whole heart was for Rasulullah (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) without any sort of hesitation. Her house is the house of Eemaan. So Salaam upon her, who recieved the Salaam of Allah and Hadhrat Jibreel 'alayhis salaam !
Beloved Prophet (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) himself says that I Was Given The Rizq To Love Khadijah. Meaning that, loving her was a blessing from Allah . How blessed is she! Even after 15 years of her passing away, Beloved Prophet (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam) kept mentioning her. What kind of love is this! This happened to an extent that even our Mother Hadhrat 'Aaysha ('alayhassalaam) felt jealous. She was the most beloved wife of Nabi-e-Rahmat (swallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam). Yet she felt jealous of her. So millions of Salaam be upon her Blessed Jealousy! This jealousy is a blessing! This jealousy is not like our jealousy what we ordinary people have. Her jealousy was for the best of creation! Jealousy is Sawaab for her!
Allahumma swalli 'alaa Sayyidina Muhammadiw-wa 'alaa Aali Sayyidina Muhammadiw-wa baarik wa sallim
With the Waseela of His Beloved, may Allah give us all the correct understanding of marriage and save us and others from marriages based on fake foundations Ameen